Laura A. Munson’s article “Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear“ in the Modern Love section of the New York Times on August 2nd just blew me away. I sent it to several clients—clients who really don’t want to be divorced, clients who love their spouses and are devastated at being told “Let’s call it quits. I don’t love you anymore,” or “I’ve really never loved you, I want out.” I write about it here because you, too, might decide to send a link to this article to some of your clients or you may be one of my lay readers who can really use this advice.
Here’s what Munson says about her marriage and about how she handled the threat to her marriage:
Munson relates that she had a privileged childhood and young adulthood. She thought she and her husband had a healthy marriage. They’d spent more than half of their lives together and she considered her husband her friend and her lover. After 20 years of marriage, they had what to most would look like a fairytale marriage—20 acres of land in Montana, kids, dogs, horses. They were satisfied and happy parents.
Munson writes that even though she knew that she and her husband had some marital issues, she was astonished to hear him say one day: “I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did. I’m moving out. The kids will understand. They’ll want me to be happy.”
She writes about how she approached this devastating event and about how she achieved a happy ending. There is a lot of good advice here . . . a lot of food for thought. Munson is the author of many novels, many articles published in respectable places. I suspect there will be a book coming out soon. It may be one we’ll recommend to our clients or give them as a guide at the beginning of the divorce process.
Today the AP reported that Jenny Sanford, wife of S.C. Governor Mark Sanford who has confessed to an affair with a woman in Argentina he calls his “soul mate” has left the governor’s mansion with the couple’s four children. They will live in the family’s beachside house on the ocean near Charleston.
Although she hasn’t totally written the marriage off, marriage counseling hasn’t worked (yet) and Jenny says that it is too hard to have three people in a marriage relationship. If only I had Jenny Sanford's email address, I would send her a link as well.
You can access Munson’s article here: Laura A. Munson, Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear (New York Times, August 2, 2009) (accessed August 8, 2009) <http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/fashion/02love.html>.
Comments to Munson's article are interesting. Although some thought she was being a martyr and encouraging codependent behavior, most readers were very appreciative of her article. You can read the NY Times Reader Comments here.
Jeanne, I just want to thank you for your support in these months. I want my book to help many many people.
yrs.
Laura
Posted by: Laura Munson | June 21, 2010 at 06:17 PM