In an Op-Ed piece in the New York Times on June 16, 2010, Stephanie Coontz comments on New York State pending legislation that would, if enacted, let New Yorkers join the rest of the nation in what is called "No-Fault Divorce." What a breath of fresh air that would be. Presently, New York is the last state in the nation that requires one of the parties to be the appointed "at fault" person. The fault alleged might be mental cruelty, infidelity, or worse.
No-fault divorce could not possibly, in my mind, harm a family nearly as much as the need to find “fault” and worse yet, to litigate it. As a family law lawyer, it's always my goal when parents are divorcing, to attempt to make the process non-litigious. Why? These folks are going to be co-parenting for a long, long time. Those of us who are parents know that you don't stop being a parent when your children reach the age of 18. There is much, much more: the high school graduation, the college parents' weekends, college graduation, weddings, birth of grandchildren, holidays . . . and the list goes on.
Coontz argues that New York should not reduce its existing grounds for divorce and allow courts to determine whether the alleged fault is sufficient grounds. She says:
But once you permit the courts to determine when a person’s desire to leave is legitimate, you open the way to arbitrary decisions about what is or should be tolerable in a relationship, made by people who have no stake in the actual lives being lived. After all, there is growing evidence that marital counseling can repair some marriages even after infidelity, which New York has long accepted as a fault sufficient to end a marriage. But that does not mean New York should reduce its existing grounds for divorce even further.
Coontz argues instead that couples should be encouraged to mediate their parting rather than litigate it, especially if children are involved. There's really no reason to believe that eliminating fault in New York would either promote or discourage mediation rather than litigation. In my experience, courts are already not just encouraging mediation, but are requiring it. I agree with Coontz that parents who mediate successfully are much more likely to consult with each other after the divorce about children’s discipline, moral training, school performance and vacation plans.
Litigation has the potential to eliminate forever any kind of co-parenting. Those awful words, accusations, aspersions cannot be recalled. Loving parents owe their children much more than this.
You may read "Divorce No-fault style" here.
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